and suddenly I remember why I left you behind

I see your chest moving but breathing and respiration do not prove anything to me
because I am leaving in the fall when all the colors start to turn away from the greens
and kiss the cheeks of red and yellow
this does not mean anything to you and me because we realize the importance of fingers and toes
and that kissing is not supposed to be serious because that is just absurd
who likes to kiss seriously?
it is much more fun when no one's feelings get hurt
but that is not always so easy to perfect
because sometimes I miss the winter and I wonder if you do too
and though everything would be terrible it could have been great
was great
for just a day or two
for just a week or two
for a month or so

wandering and rambling

I am unsure if there is enough passion within me to pursue art. After witnessing people my age with such bone-crushing passion within them I feel unfit to call myself any kind of artist. Perhaps the passion will come forth in these next few years while at school. At least I can only hope. If this is not the case I fear I will not know what to do with myself; continue acting, writing, making music and making art in a mediocre fashion? I feel spread too thin and fairly decent at things instead of committed and really great at one thing. This feels so wrong and I do not know if it is due to a fear of committing to anything or just the simple inability to make a decision.
Perhaps it is far too late for all of these thoughts, but I simply cannot help it.

On another note, I am listening to my own music which I rarely do because it feels so egotistical and wrong. I am proud of the EP I created last year, but as with everything I make it feels so stale and boring now. However, I still feel the things I felt when I wrote/recorded these songs and I believe that really means something. At any rate I feel like it is time for another release, something really great, something to make you proud and something you might actually want around your house. I hope you still like the EP because I am still very proud of it, but I cannot help feeling it is time for something new, especially since I will be beginning a new chapter of this life in the fall. I would like to put something out just before I leave in August, but I make no promises to the few of you who read this.

I feel as though I have rambled and I am sorry if you were looking for more silly lyrics or poems about a silly idea of love; maybe next time.

optimistic winter

dunno if this was ever/is here, but...

there's a hole in my wall where a girl used to be and she would tell me stories
about the things she'd done and the things she'd seen

then one day she packed up her things and she flew away
but things will be okay things are always okay and even if things aren't okay
there's always something
something to look forward to

like a letter from a friend who lives far away
or a song about a friend who lives far away
or the weather getting colder and the days getting shorter and the noses getting redder and the scarves getting longer

"the end of a spark"

it stops here
you've got stripes that are supposed to camouflage the looks you give me in the night
but your eyes are too bright
and your teeth are too white
when you smile that terrible smile and the dark room sparkles like there are diamonds on the wall or glitter in the paint
like some awfully retro house from the 80s

it stops here
but I remember when everything was the same and so do you
I got too bored and you got too scared to move your legs
it probably didn't help that they were broken,
but you broke them yourself,
why did you do that?
and then I left you with your broken legs and your fear because you were too plain and safe and the flashes in the dark in front of me were too enticing

it stops here
maybe one day I will come back for you and you won't be there
thank god