found these in my notebook, nothing too good.

I just cling to phrases and words,
repeating them until my breath becomes
the breeze that stirs the leaves
of the trees that used to let us
sing to them all night
they've turned bitter with the
winter months and it is never
the same now that "us" has become
"me and sometimes you"

this winter in lingering
and the sweet kisses I once received
have turned to stinging nettles
breaking my skin just enough
to let me know
I am far from the end

I once found comfort in a
camera lens and then a pen, never
a sword, now it seems my comfort comes from floating in endless space
words like "I love you" or "I miss
you" and "in the summer we will
be whole again" pass by
every one, broken

this is it
"there is no plan we can fall back on"
______________________________

I sit in this room
stereo blasting
12:47 in the morning
we talk
we shout
about finding meaning in things
and how music is something you
could do forever if you wanted
and the tracks need not be perfect
in fact we like them just that way
how else would they know we are alive?
and he is there playing a riff
from the next song that is blasting
and time was not moving
it was 12:47 forever and we
had the same conversation
and he played the same riff
for eternity
and it felt nice
for eternity
and eternity did not feel like all those philosophers told me it would
because you are my hero
and we were in the same place
talking about the same things
for eternity
______________________

waking up with your face inches from mine
is unreal and feels like betrayal
but I push that down to the place
in my stomach where bad feelings fester
"the electricity wasn't in her eyes
anymore"
and I hung up the phone when you
fell asleep, feeling like there should
have been something more to say
feeling like screaming into darkness
but we never have anything to
say anymore and I can barely read
my own handwriting because I
am shaking with fear
"her eyes were still reflecting what
was there
but now it was the sadness...."