I know that I don't grasp the concept of being on my own at all. I read things that people have written about the passion they have and the way things don't always work out, but they find something because of this thing within them. Of course they don't say these things, but from the words they write and the songs they sing, I can tell. I am scared that I don't have some glowing piece of love or strength or passion or whatever it is that I should have. Leaving in less than one year is a terrifying prospect. Though I want to get out of the place I am in I can't help but realize that I am young, too young for all of this to be happening. It is strange to think that I'll probably be missing my room when I'm hundreds of miles away (if I end up hundreds of miles away), the room that has held me for the past eight years, that has unknowlingly been my sanctuary will become a dream and a place I long for. After a while I suppose it won't feel like this because if you're somewhere long enough it feels like some kind of home, right?
I'm not growing up, but things are changing, and I feel like I am way too young to be going to college next year. Granted, I'll be seventeen this time next year, but will that really change all that much?
I'm putting it out there:
I am fucking scared shitless.